I decided to join in Bindu's challange to spend the next 21 days writing 800 words a day (#215800) and doing some yoga everyday (Join me if you like!).
Today I worked on an idea I have to help people kick-start their creativity, then I wrote this short piece:
What defines me?
I guess most of us have some big things that happened in our lives that go towards defining us. One of the things that has shaped me most as a person is the death of my mother when I was 19. Like most teenagers I had a complex relationship with my mother, we were often arguing and I frequently said things to her that in hindsight must have been hurtful.
She was a complicated woman who found it hard to demonstrate affection or talk about emotional matters. So many things were left unsaid when she passed away. Even now, 20 years after she died there are moments when my grief is still raw, she never met my partner or children, she never saw me graduate or achieve any of my significant adult milestones.
When she was ill I waited for her to start talking about things, open up like in the movies, but she never did. This made me very angry, she was so stubbornly in denial and denying me any closure (I hate that word but there you have it). She wasn't how I thought a mother should be.
How has this shaped me? I tell my children and partner I love them everyday. I try to name things for what they are. I try to forgive her and see her as a woman doing her best just like I am. I try and be the best I can be for her and for me.
My mother is a poem
I'll never be able to write,
though everything I write
is a poem to my mother.
Did you have a complicated relationship with your mother?
I'm off to do some yoga...